i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
