After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
