I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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