Your dad touched me again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
