he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
