I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
