remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
