does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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