yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
