But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
