so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
