I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
