i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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