I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
