apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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