Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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