So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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