If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
