can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
