I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
