yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
