i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
