How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
