she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well I just put wine in my tea
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
