Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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