Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
