he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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