The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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