Dude my mom stole all your condoms
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
