I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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