it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
