i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
