No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
