that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
