This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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