Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
