Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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