Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
