It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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