So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
