K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
