I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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