tell your sister to shave her snatch
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
