It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
