Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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