I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
