Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
