In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My pussy is not your playground.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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