yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
