my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
