I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I will be naked everywhere
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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