I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
