i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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